Artist Statement - Evoking Childhood

Evoking Childhood: Artist Statement

            Growing up, I played a lot of piano.  My mother was a piano teacher, so there was really no way that I could escape it.  Eventually, I grew to love it, but I still remember the long, tedious hours of practicing finger exercises and scales.  I find it fascinating that I look upon these memories of piano practice as both a positive and negative aspect of my childhood, so I wanted to capture that feeling in my film.  I decided to juxtapose the first half of the film (the boring fingering exercises) with some of the negative aspects of childhood, such as making messes, getting in trouble with your parents, and getting bullied and harassed by your peers.  The second half juxtaposes nicer, calmer, more personal music with more positive elements of childhood, such as playing with toys, reading fantasy novels, eating candy, and making up with your parents.  Throughout the film, I wanted to play with space, movement, and color.  I really wanted to make the film seem like you were experiencing it through the eyes of the protagonist.  I also wanted to place a lot of emphasis on hands, since most of the activities that I participated in as a child required a lot of concentration on my hands.  Every time we return to the bullies, the frame gets tighter, the camera movement is more erratic and violent, and the lens gets longer, until we end with the distorting fish eye lens.  I wanted to create a feeling of claustrophobia, persecution, and panic in these shots, and I think that we were able to accomplish that, especially when it was juxtaposed with the music.  I also wanted to create a visual contrast between the blue outdoor shots and the yellower, brighter interior shots, which I think turned out well.  I also wanted to create a color and lighting difference when the mother returns at the end in order to emphasize her changed emotional state.

            I learned that a director really has to communicate effectively with his DP.  There were a couple of shots where I was left unsatisfied with either the timing or the camera movement, and I realized that this was in no way Sariah’s fault, but rather my inability to effectively communicate what I wanted from the shot.  If I had taken the time to slow down a bit and explain exactly how I wanted the shot, the effect would have been closer to what I was imagining.  Lighting has always been one of my greatest weaknesses when it comes to film making.  I know almost nothing about how to light a scene to make it look how I want it (for example, while making this film, I accidentally melted a gel).  Luckily I had Sariah, and she was able to help me in this area, but I still feel like my lack of knowledge on proper lighting techniques hurt the film.  If I could redo anything, I would have worked on directing my actress better so that there was a more visible contrast between the mother’s angry rant at the beginning and her calmer, more apologetic tone near the end.  I also would have really spent more time to figure out how I wanted each shot to look color-wise and lighting-wise so that I could fine tune the overall tone of the piece.  Overall, I was quite satisfied with the film and I feel like I’ve learned a lot through the process of making it.